This is the first blog I have ever written that was not posted on something like Myspace or Facebook. It might seem juvenile that my first post should be about something like "unrequited love", but it is the simple fact that I have been a constant victim of the savage scarring that is a one sided love.
It is always easy to assume that the reality of love works is all roses and cherry blossoms. It is easy to hope and pray that even if no action is taken that true love which we all search for will magically appear before us like the prince charming asking for our hand...or if your like me and straight, the sensational woman who makes hearts throb in our eyes. However, what if it is true that fairy-tales do not come true and we are all just trying to cling to what is familiar?
This is unfortunately the category that most of the world falls into. I personally, have grown accustom to its inescapable solitude as it continues to ravage the inner most hinges of my soul. It is the very truth that I have regrettably had adapt as second nature. I could not find a single moment where the woman I loved willfully loved me in the same venture without some strange circumstance. Particularly, there was one instance that would define my self demeaning sense of self in regards to relationships, the beginning of my commitment holding end was that of a innocent girl with a wicked beautiful smile, but her most devastating feature was always her glimmering misguiding eyes. And it was here that i first met her. I couldnt take my eyes off of her. She was like a rain, she swept over me and gave me a tingling sensation. That was the day it all began. The pain all began from there and it would four hard years of debating with myself, false hopes, and a constant pain of unrequited love.
It took me a long time to realize the game I was apart of. It took me even longer to realize that I was making myself more alone. I ended up isolating myself at some point and having only her as a true friend. This was a problem fr several reasons, the first being she was not truly a good friend. Her and one of my friends were trying to hook up behind my back. In fact it was one of my best friends. I was just the toy being manipulated by this puppeteer. I had no say and my heart would not accept that I just could win her heart over. Endless time spent wondering and all I came to realize is that only fools would want to fall in love blindly. From then on I never have gone that far. If i feel myself feeling strongly about a woman I back away. Like a clam I just close down and push the world away from me. I do not want to hurt again. Not like those four years.
3 comments:
Anything forced is a disaster waiting to happen.
Then why is it that we are always told to fight for what we believe in and want? That is putting a big fat "hypocrite" label on society....not that it would be the first time.
I just think that closing yourself off like that isn't good because, when you do find that special person or when they find you how ever you look at it, you will not be willing to see what is in front of you and then loose that person forever. Hurt is an awful thing, but we all go through it. To isolate yourself from those feelings is a way of running that will haunt you.
And the world is full of hypocrisy, relationships should not be forced, they are nurtured and grow on their own.Sometimes when relationships whither regardless of how much effort you put in them show that the relationship was a bust to begin with.
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