this is a test posting.
Can the ignorant stranger qualify the crown?
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Programming
I finally have started my quest to self teach a language besides that stupid matlab crap they call programming in csc 160. Im learning php. So far I have a crappy tentatively demo site where I am just trying out all the functions I am learning from this nifty set of slides online. Also, it has been a great and exciting experience for me to learn this as I know I will be able to use it later in life. Who knows maybe google needs an electrical engineer who can program a few widgets and apps lolz. The possiblities are endless and if it werent for the fact that I love the idea of being an engineer more than I love programming and such I would become a cs major. Too bad its not true and I still love to tinker which is probably why I am learning this stuff to begin with. Aside from that I also want to be able to help with the development of the new lasso once we begin the move to asp.net and using php language which is incredibly open sourced in comparison to what they are currently using which is based on a microsoft product which needs paid updates and are not being got for lack of funding. Either way I will be using this summer especially as a chance to get as caught up with my peers on this project with this language as possible. Not only the summer but also using the school year to practice and while I am at it maybe some spelling courses cuz this spelling is misreable lolz...
Monday, January 3, 2011
Ok so i followed my curiousity again
Seriously i want to say this is one of those several stupid things i like to do whenever i get extremely bored. I posted a notice on a website about me and stuff for women. I did this not because of interest or even to try and trick myself into being so naive as to believe that it is possible but because I wanted to see first hand why people do it and how far i could go with it. So i did it my post recieved within the first three hours no responses. Once 12 pm hit however, my other randomly made gmail had an inbox 17 within the next two hours it would almost triple to 56.It was both scary and exciting. All i had posted was truths bout me and general things any person who was not interested in just "having sex" would put. the flood of responses was incredulous. I got to lost in it all. I accidentally flowed a few spam girls emails and ugh ended up regretting it as I saw a sneaky charge on my chase account. The real lesson to be learned is careful what you do today people. Of course I called the company asked for my refund and within three days I will be getting such but who knows what could have happened.
I made a poor decision so that people out there who become curious or even desperate do not do the same. Learn from this because like history what is the point of documenting it if noone realizes the lesson to behold.
Well imma stop before my sister kills me for doing something stupid again lolz sorry meli but I will always be a curious character and this is just how i am i take unnecessary risks cuz i can =P
I made a poor decision so that people out there who become curious or even desperate do not do the same. Learn from this because like history what is the point of documenting it if noone realizes the lesson to behold.
Well imma stop before my sister kills me for doing something stupid again lolz sorry meli but I will always be a curious character and this is just how i am i take unnecessary risks cuz i can =P
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Err is human
This is not going to be one of my more philosophical blog entries. In fact this one is purely a memory I like to think of when times get tough. It is still more fun to describe the scene then to tell it so I will paint the picture =).
Three figures lie on hardwood floor. In the air hangs the aroma of steak with mashed potatoes from only hours ago. The only sound that can be heard is of the small sand egg timer as the grains unbiasedly drain as though signifying how even the best moments have to have an end. In this moment the biggest change would be incited by nothing more than two letter wooden letters. E-R. One of the figures, a woman, motions to to board that her turn has ended and all that befalls this stage is silence.
"What the hell type of desperation move is that?" yells the man on the opposite end of the woman. Laughter breaks out and this moment of brother, sister, and brother-in-law becomes a moment of genuine comfort. Her defense, "Its E-R-R, you know like "To err is human"". Cris and I sit in a silence broken only by the rising storm of laughter as our incredulity forces us to start throwing the letters she had precariously placed back at her and try to call her on her supposed bluff. It was a fun moment because it showed how beautiful it was to have a sense of unity. The concept that we shared a family moment was more than I could forget.
Without surprise I have loved the game of Scrabble since that day.
Also since then I have felt very connected to Cris as if her were my real genuine brother. We were infinitely bonded together like Ernie and George from the Lopez show. Destined to make fun of each other and always still care bout each other in the weirdest way possible.
This is partly for my sis and other half for my coolest friend....Cris =)
Three figures lie on hardwood floor. In the air hangs the aroma of steak with mashed potatoes from only hours ago. The only sound that can be heard is of the small sand egg timer as the grains unbiasedly drain as though signifying how even the best moments have to have an end. In this moment the biggest change would be incited by nothing more than two letter wooden letters. E-R. One of the figures, a woman, motions to to board that her turn has ended and all that befalls this stage is silence.
"What the hell type of desperation move is that?" yells the man on the opposite end of the woman. Laughter breaks out and this moment of brother, sister, and brother-in-law becomes a moment of genuine comfort. Her defense, "Its E-R-R, you know like "To err is human"". Cris and I sit in a silence broken only by the rising storm of laughter as our incredulity forces us to start throwing the letters she had precariously placed back at her and try to call her on her supposed bluff. It was a fun moment because it showed how beautiful it was to have a sense of unity. The concept that we shared a family moment was more than I could forget.
Without surprise I have loved the game of Scrabble since that day.
Also since then I have felt very connected to Cris as if her were my real genuine brother. We were infinitely bonded together like Ernie and George from the Lopez show. Destined to make fun of each other and always still care bout each other in the weirdest way possible.
This is partly for my sis and other half for my coolest friend....Cris =)
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Insight into Music
Is it possible we can be controlled by the music we listen to?
I was watching a movie that seems commonplace as well as great but this question was asked and I did not know the answer. The best place to look at this in a scientific approach would be looking at the hell hole that is New York City.
I have been mostly raised in the New York city area which ranges from the several different boroughs and by the same token people. I have lived in Brooklyn where the rap music can be heard from Bushwick to Flushing ave. I have also lived in Queens and the hot dogs at Shea stadium can never seem to meet the challenge of being worthy of five dollars. Then there were the times when I strolled the Harlem streets alone looking for my sisters house because I could no longer live with my mom. It was incredible to see the ferry going away from the island and not still be on Manhattan for the summer. After all this how could I stop and accept that the final location would be not the beautiful streets of Main st filled with hustle and bustle, but instead the lonely desolate and poverty infested streets of the Bronx. The places change as did the people but the biggest change was the music.
I no longer could hear the proud Hispanics playing Marc Anthony down the street from our two story house. There was no more Kpop coming out of the doors of the stores. I could no longer catch a single note of Tu pac or Biggie echoing through the streets at one AM. I heard somethings in the Bronx, that is right, it was not like the silence of a cool day in Staten Island, no it was violence and pure hostility.
It was gunshot and rap music followed by screams and the tragic huge group of teenagers with no direction in life but down. They fought and struggled to make something their own even if it came down to nothing more than there reputations. I have seen what New York City really looks like. I have been both a witness and a victim of the struggle. It was this that made my choice to find a new song so easy. That song was being played in Rochester for me.
I was watching a movie that seems commonplace as well as great but this question was asked and I did not know the answer. The best place to look at this in a scientific approach would be looking at the hell hole that is New York City.
I have been mostly raised in the New York city area which ranges from the several different boroughs and by the same token people. I have lived in Brooklyn where the rap music can be heard from Bushwick to Flushing ave. I have also lived in Queens and the hot dogs at Shea stadium can never seem to meet the challenge of being worthy of five dollars. Then there were the times when I strolled the Harlem streets alone looking for my sisters house because I could no longer live with my mom. It was incredible to see the ferry going away from the island and not still be on Manhattan for the summer. After all this how could I stop and accept that the final location would be not the beautiful streets of Main st filled with hustle and bustle, but instead the lonely desolate and poverty infested streets of the Bronx. The places change as did the people but the biggest change was the music.
I no longer could hear the proud Hispanics playing Marc Anthony down the street from our two story house. There was no more Kpop coming out of the doors of the stores. I could no longer catch a single note of Tu pac or Biggie echoing through the streets at one AM. I heard somethings in the Bronx, that is right, it was not like the silence of a cool day in Staten Island, no it was violence and pure hostility.
It was gunshot and rap music followed by screams and the tragic huge group of teenagers with no direction in life but down. They fought and struggled to make something their own even if it came down to nothing more than there reputations. I have seen what New York City really looks like. I have been both a witness and a victim of the struggle. It was this that made my choice to find a new song so easy. That song was being played in Rochester for me.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Family or Tragedy
To what end is the family tie a bond for life? Is it possible that while love for them may be unconditional understanding, compassion, and even care can go right out the window? There is nothing worse than an disjointed family with problems. However, what about familys where it has always been rosie and lovely?
Growing up it seems that my wishes and dreams always revolved around making my small destroyed family into a clone of TV family's like The Nanny or The Cosby Show, but in reality mine could not even match up to to a family as disfunctional as the Lopez Family.
This year I spent Christmas in a my friend's house. It was the first time I ever experienced a Christmas like this one. On the outside it made me happy and I was smiling hard as I sang carols that I did not even know, but inside, I was crying. I was aching. I wanted to leave and rupture the sky as I cast out a question to the heavens of why? Why was my life made to be so difficult. There have been no breaks for me and my family. We cannot escape the hard life. Money is always scarce and happiness is fleeting like the wind as it drifts away whenever the slight possibility arises. Do not get me wrong, I am happy but the mirth these people experienced in their celebration. The family unity, the surreal value of it all. Well, I just wish I had that but instead I had two lonely people call me wishing I were home to share the moment. I would have cried if it had not been for the fact that they were already crying enough for me.
I am not particularly religious because of a very simple fact. I have not felt the touch of God or His protection. He has not helped me through the rough times and if nothing else I have been a puppet is a giant show. Problems followed only by more problems. The bottomless barrages of incessant struggle. I have never felt like I was being guarded. Even now I still feel like a lost child looking for the right place to call home . I continue feeling unloved by those above and it is why I face each day with a grain of salt hoping that I may make it through without so much of a fight for once.
Growing up it seems that my wishes and dreams always revolved around making my small destroyed family into a clone of TV family's like The Nanny or The Cosby Show, but in reality mine could not even match up to to a family as disfunctional as the Lopez Family.
This year I spent Christmas in a my friend's house. It was the first time I ever experienced a Christmas like this one. On the outside it made me happy and I was smiling hard as I sang carols that I did not even know, but inside, I was crying. I was aching. I wanted to leave and rupture the sky as I cast out a question to the heavens of why? Why was my life made to be so difficult. There have been no breaks for me and my family. We cannot escape the hard life. Money is always scarce and happiness is fleeting like the wind as it drifts away whenever the slight possibility arises. Do not get me wrong, I am happy but the mirth these people experienced in their celebration. The family unity, the surreal value of it all. Well, I just wish I had that but instead I had two lonely people call me wishing I were home to share the moment. I would have cried if it had not been for the fact that they were already crying enough for me.
I am not particularly religious because of a very simple fact. I have not felt the touch of God or His protection. He has not helped me through the rough times and if nothing else I have been a puppet is a giant show. Problems followed only by more problems. The bottomless barrages of incessant struggle. I have never felt like I was being guarded. Even now I still feel like a lost child looking for the right place to call home . I continue feeling unloved by those above and it is why I face each day with a grain of salt hoping that I may make it through without so much of a fight for once.
The curse that marks those who feel
This is the first blog I have ever written that was not posted on something like Myspace or Facebook. It might seem juvenile that my first post should be about something like "unrequited love", but it is the simple fact that I have been a constant victim of the savage scarring that is a one sided love.
It is always easy to assume that the reality of love works is all roses and cherry blossoms. It is easy to hope and pray that even if no action is taken that true love which we all search for will magically appear before us like the prince charming asking for our hand...or if your like me and straight, the sensational woman who makes hearts throb in our eyes. However, what if it is true that fairy-tales do not come true and we are all just trying to cling to what is familiar?
This is unfortunately the category that most of the world falls into. I personally, have grown accustom to its inescapable solitude as it continues to ravage the inner most hinges of my soul. It is the very truth that I have regrettably had adapt as second nature. I could not find a single moment where the woman I loved willfully loved me in the same venture without some strange circumstance. Particularly, there was one instance that would define my self demeaning sense of self in regards to relationships, the beginning of my commitment holding end was that of a innocent girl with a wicked beautiful smile, but her most devastating feature was always her glimmering misguiding eyes. And it was here that i first met her. I couldnt take my eyes off of her. She was like a rain, she swept over me and gave me a tingling sensation. That was the day it all began. The pain all began from there and it would four hard years of debating with myself, false hopes, and a constant pain of unrequited love.
It took me a long time to realize the game I was apart of. It took me even longer to realize that I was making myself more alone. I ended up isolating myself at some point and having only her as a true friend. This was a problem fr several reasons, the first being she was not truly a good friend. Her and one of my friends were trying to hook up behind my back. In fact it was one of my best friends. I was just the toy being manipulated by this puppeteer. I had no say and my heart would not accept that I just could win her heart over. Endless time spent wondering and all I came to realize is that only fools would want to fall in love blindly. From then on I never have gone that far. If i feel myself feeling strongly about a woman I back away. Like a clam I just close down and push the world away from me. I do not want to hurt again. Not like those four years.
It is always easy to assume that the reality of love works is all roses and cherry blossoms. It is easy to hope and pray that even if no action is taken that true love which we all search for will magically appear before us like the prince charming asking for our hand...or if your like me and straight, the sensational woman who makes hearts throb in our eyes. However, what if it is true that fairy-tales do not come true and we are all just trying to cling to what is familiar?
This is unfortunately the category that most of the world falls into. I personally, have grown accustom to its inescapable solitude as it continues to ravage the inner most hinges of my soul. It is the very truth that I have regrettably had adapt as second nature. I could not find a single moment where the woman I loved willfully loved me in the same venture without some strange circumstance. Particularly, there was one instance that would define my self demeaning sense of self in regards to relationships, the beginning of my commitment holding end was that of a innocent girl with a wicked beautiful smile, but her most devastating feature was always her glimmering misguiding eyes. And it was here that i first met her. I couldnt take my eyes off of her. She was like a rain, she swept over me and gave me a tingling sensation. That was the day it all began. The pain all began from there and it would four hard years of debating with myself, false hopes, and a constant pain of unrequited love.
It took me a long time to realize the game I was apart of. It took me even longer to realize that I was making myself more alone. I ended up isolating myself at some point and having only her as a true friend. This was a problem fr several reasons, the first being she was not truly a good friend. Her and one of my friends were trying to hook up behind my back. In fact it was one of my best friends. I was just the toy being manipulated by this puppeteer. I had no say and my heart would not accept that I just could win her heart over. Endless time spent wondering and all I came to realize is that only fools would want to fall in love blindly. From then on I never have gone that far. If i feel myself feeling strongly about a woman I back away. Like a clam I just close down and push the world away from me. I do not want to hurt again. Not like those four years.
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